Post by totallysambora on Jun 9, 2009 15:01:57 GMT -6
Feeling like crap today so I decided to vent my frustrations to my body.
Dear body,
RE: Your performance
Further to our recent internal discussions I am writing to you to formally express my disappointment in your ability to do your job.
We have spoken at length about your inability to wake up in the mornings and your constant requests to lie down and sleep, yet you have not taken on board any of the suggestions I made, such as shutting your brain down as soon as you feel the duvet on your skin, or to programme yourself to stop thinking when you are in bed.
Further to this your job description clearly states that you must regulate your insulin independently and deal with all the food that you are given. I have not seen any indication that you are doing this and this has had an adverse effect on your ability to wake up and function much before 10am. I think if you thought hard enough about the problem you would realise that it is your ineffective way of dealing with the ovaries and reproductive system that is to blame.
I will get you another copy of how the human reproductive system works, but for your information your maintenance programme should include monitoring of monthly egg production and make sure that an egg is released once a month. If this does not happen, you should reset yourself and immediately set up a monthly programme. In the event that lumps appear on the outside of your ovaries then you should immediately call in the immunity department and get them to clear the lumps away.
The implications of your failings in this department means that you have been unable to make a new human, which, lets face it, is your main function. This is a most serious infraction and could very well lead to dismissal if you do not up your game immediately.
Unfortunately this is not the end of the list of your inadequacies, you should also be hugely disappointed in yourself for failing to lose some of your weight even though you have been supplied with the appropriate food and exercise that should help you carry this out. You have neglected your back and are now suffering with associated problems. Honestly body, you do make a rod for your own back (pun intended).
Now, I hope, having read this and realised that you are on your final warning, that you will start to perform at your best and we will be able to continue your employment.
Regards
The voices inside your head.
Dear body,
RE: Your performance
Further to our recent internal discussions I am writing to you to formally express my disappointment in your ability to do your job.
We have spoken at length about your inability to wake up in the mornings and your constant requests to lie down and sleep, yet you have not taken on board any of the suggestions I made, such as shutting your brain down as soon as you feel the duvet on your skin, or to programme yourself to stop thinking when you are in bed.
Further to this your job description clearly states that you must regulate your insulin independently and deal with all the food that you are given. I have not seen any indication that you are doing this and this has had an adverse effect on your ability to wake up and function much before 10am. I think if you thought hard enough about the problem you would realise that it is your ineffective way of dealing with the ovaries and reproductive system that is to blame.
I will get you another copy of how the human reproductive system works, but for your information your maintenance programme should include monitoring of monthly egg production and make sure that an egg is released once a month. If this does not happen, you should reset yourself and immediately set up a monthly programme. In the event that lumps appear on the outside of your ovaries then you should immediately call in the immunity department and get them to clear the lumps away.
The implications of your failings in this department means that you have been unable to make a new human, which, lets face it, is your main function. This is a most serious infraction and could very well lead to dismissal if you do not up your game immediately.
Unfortunately this is not the end of the list of your inadequacies, you should also be hugely disappointed in yourself for failing to lose some of your weight even though you have been supplied with the appropriate food and exercise that should help you carry this out. You have neglected your back and are now suffering with associated problems. Honestly body, you do make a rod for your own back (pun intended).
Now, I hope, having read this and realised that you are on your final warning, that you will start to perform at your best and we will be able to continue your employment.
Regards
The voices inside your head.
